A Big Fat Indian Wedding

Hello folks -


I am going to digress from the topic I had mentioned in the last post and share something else.

I attended a wedding a few days ago, and am so full of happy memories that I HAVE to share them with you -

It was my friend U's sister H's daughter getting married.

I had last met U during HER marriage 21 years ago and there had been no contact in the years between.


The wedding was to be in a biggish but sleepy town which stealthily, imperceptibly wraps you in its slow pace.

H's husband's village was on the outskirts of the town and a number of rituals were to be conducted in his ancestral home where he had grown up and his brothers and families still stay.

This kind of a long drawn-out wedding in this time and age was novel to me.

In the cities, I am used to going off to the Wedding Halls after the rituals, some time before the boy and girl garland eachother, meet friends and relatives, EAT and come home.

The day I joined the festivities, there was the ritual of applying turmeric to the bride.

Turmeric has many, many medicinal qualities and is an excellent skin-cleanser.

The big bowl of wet turmeric was placed before the girl as she sat on a sheet on the ground right inside the hall in the house.

It was prayed to.

Five women relatives took turns to put it on her forehead, cheeks, throat, hands and feet.

The best part was the accompanying songs sung by some of the women which evoked the blessings of gods and described the rituals and their significance.

One song was about going to the potter to request him to give a strong, sturdy pot for the wedding rituals to begin.

After the bride - to -be was painted yellow to everyone's satisfaction, there was a free - for- all !

EVERYONE present got turmeric on their faces and necks and hands and there was great screaming and laughter.

The girl had a bath, we washed off as best we could, nobody minded yellow patches at odd places and then with great devotion, we went in a procession to the three presiding godesses of the village.

Two of the goddesses are sisters and the elder one is to be prayed to first.

Their temple looked no different from the other houses of the village, it was more like a neighbour's house.

Three steps and a verandah, a room about 8x8.

The simple statues were beautiful, with newish cotton sarees draped, as if dressed for the wedding.

The two sisters looked happy, seemed to bless the girl like an elderly, much-loved person of the family.

There were songs in their praise and then we went to the other, bigger temple which was 'modern'!

Stand-alone!

The ambience was still homely.

A lady was sorting cashews in the cool hall.

Another lady had come to seek blessings for her twins, a boy and a girl.

This was immedeately taken as a good omen for our bride and there was teasing.

In our normal custom, the new mother does not step out of the house for 40 days, takes rest and recoups her strength, then visits a temple to seek protection for her children and herself and then starts to go out when required.

Villages and small towns still follow these customs.

Working women and nuclear families find it difficult.

After the girl and everyone else offered prayers, we sat for a while.

There were more songs.

There were no instruments to accompany, no mike or even clapping.

Just singing from the heart, the joy of the occassion and happiness.



The menfolk and children had lunch first, the ladies of the house served them.

There came our turn for our sit-down (on the ground) lunch.

The young, teenage, girls served us, thrilled and enthu and excited.

The men threatened too, but were chased away !

It was an extremely tasty spread of traditional dishes prepared by the ladies of the house themselves.

They had stayed up till 1'o clock the night before to make the stuffed, sweet parathas, then got up at 5 to make the rest of the feast.

Yes, for about 60 people - maybe more !

And this was, like, so normal - their joy was in our joy.

It was a daughter of the house getting married.

Then came the bangle-woman and again the beautiful strings of brilliant, plain green bangles were prayed to for blessings by the bride-to-be.

Again there were sweet songs and everyone had a dozen bangles on each hand.

It didn't matter if the colour did not match the colour of your saree on the day of the wedding, these were auspicious and the whole place laughed with the tinkling of so many of them, catching the sun-rays.


The next day, there was a ceremony in which both the boy and the girl were made to sit next to eachother with one close member of their family sitting behind, and now wet turmeric was applied to all four!

There was a lot of laughter and screaming as there was a free- for- all, but everything was within limlts.

The boy and the girl then had a collective bath too, with pots of water poured over them to everyone's merriment.


I liked the fact that all the children were part of all the rituals - they stole lumps of turmeric, applied to eachother, battled, screamed, hollered, came in the way of the elders - none was shouted at.

There was no' sit-in- one- place- and-dont-get-your-clothes-dirty'.

Everyone enjoyed all the celebrations of the wedding.


It was a collective participation, the seeds of which were obviously sown unconsciously, naturally, by H, my friend's sister, ever since SHE had come into that house as a bride, so many years ago.

She had pitched in similarly in all the functions over the years, maintained happy relations with all, ignored what she had not liked.

There are times when we wish to lead quiet lives, by ourselves, or just with our own nuclear family.

We think it is ideal for individual growth, independence, but many facets of ones personality like sharing, adjusting, pitching in, being there for somebody and knowing someone would be there for us -

In our considered choices, sometimes, we seem to lose a lot more than we gain.

I met some friends after 30 years, caught up with news about many more.

Some of their memories of our childhood together were different from my remembered incidents, so I relived many good times.

It was warm and nice and calm and peaceful and it was like hot chocolate on a cold wintery night.

Its good to go back, unwind and bow in gratitude for those times.

It definitely peps one up for the coming tomorrows!

Anger - avoid

Hi Folks !

Glad about the phenomenal response to the last post !

Let me give you the Ex-monk's website. He's very wise and wonderful !


And witty too !

http://www.lovingsilence.com/



So ! How's life been ?!


You know, it is exactly the way we wished it to be.

Which is irritating because we expect Life to know better !

Many times, its -' I DID fervently want this, but that was THEN, not NOW '!

Then there is anger and disappointment, a tendency to blame someone.

Lets see.

What exactly does Anger do?


Something happens and we dont like it at all.

The incidence has already happened and is done with, but the thoughts about it carry on.

We react immediately with words or action or a frown.

We continue with our work, but it is only physically, superficially.

In our mind, the scene will replay a thousand times in minuter details each time.

The hurt getting better and better.

Our language getting sharper and finer.

It will be a big, angry red splotch on a huge canvas and our Anger will gleefully open the inexhaustible supply of old familiar wounds, carefully nurtured, which will fill it up in no time.

We will deliberately keep the fire in our heart burning and hurting.

With each memory consciously or unconsciously brought up, the level of our enjoyment of our own anger goes up many notches.

The habit of enjoying anger and hurts now gets entrenched even more.

It gives a high, a satisfaction, a shot of adrenaline which also gives us an aura -maybe just in our own mind.

We may even welcome the headache, an attack of migraine as proof that we are angry enough to eatisfy our own standard !

Its so self-defeating !

And so unnecessary.

Nothing good will come out of this kind of reaction.

The mind does not this type of stimulus to work.It works best when it is in a fine balance, when it is at rest.

In equilibrium.

And this is not that state when it is angry.

To keep up, it releases enzymes which are poisonous to our health.

It blocks the free flow of our life-force through our own system.

Anger harms and only harms.

And it harms ourselves the most.

Not the person or the situation which caused it.

That's secondary.


To understand it, thinking about the 'culprit person' or culprit situation' as a small part of the whole big design helps.

They, or it, is but a small part, and you are just another part in a whole big drama.

Basically, it boils down to pruning one's Ego and doing it is actually quite liberating.
It is !


Watch your anger as if it is happening to someone else.

Slow deep breathing helps.

Feel the breath going deep down and bring out the bitterness with each out - breath, little by little.



Do you remember an earlier post about Energy and its theft ?


If you get angry, thats what YOU are doing. Stealing energy from others.


Understand that THIS is the root cause. That you are short on peace and quiet and life-force.

You know the remedy.


MEDITATE.

Tap into the pure , infinite source without stealing from other (equally polluted) sources!

Stop making your own and other people's life miserable !

I have come across a couple more types of energy -stealers.

Interesting.

I will check out the theory and tell you in my next post.

In the mean time, watch that anger.

So long for now, folks.

A Zen Story - When you sweep -

Hi Folks!

How's Life?!

Take a slow, nice breath and say to yourself - It's Good !

Today,I want to tell you a nice little story that was told by an Ex-monk!

One day, a man came from very far to meet his Teacher in the Monastery.

He had many questions, and hoped they would be satisfactorily answered.

You know, questions like - HOW do I meditate?

WHAT should I do? etc.

There is so much confusion on the spiritual path!

He was hopeful the Master would clear it.

The Master was busy, so he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He saw a broom and just to pass away the time, started to sweep the leaves on the pathway.

Soon, he was engrossed in his task.

A little while later, the Master, already very late for wherever he was to go next, hurried out and walked fast to the waiting car.

Our man ran after him, the broom still in hand, shouting out his desperate need for guidance.

The Master turned, smiled and said -

WHEN YOU SWEEP, SWEEP!

And off he went!

But our man had got his answer!

One does not need a sermon each time.

We are all intelligent beings and just require that bit of a nudge, a tiny push in the right direction.

So whatever you are doing, BE THERE.

Bring all your senses, your entire attention to the job in hand.

More so if it is boring or difficult.

By concentrating on it, you will finish it earlier and also have learnt to deal with boring, unwanted stuff with equanimity.

When you are driving, be at the wheel, not with your sliding stocks or the relationship gone /going sour or even the great time you had on that weekend.

Good or bad, let past remain in past and future in the future so that you are totally present in the present moment, all senses alert.

Similarly, when you are relaxing, do so with the same devotion.

Unwind completely.

Enjoying the present moment while being in the present moment, without comparing it with anything is an art and a spiritual exercise.

You will feel light and happy and strong enough to take on whatever is coming your way.

So When You Sweep, Just Sweep!

Have a great week-

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